delayed payday

i do not understand the way some places work.  that's most likely because they don't work like i would like, or they don't work in ways that i would think of as making the most sense. obviously they never asked me, but still. 

for instance.  i work for a month.  i turn in all my timesheets on the last day of said month.  i get paid at the end of the following month. 

so i have to wait at least 28 days to get any dough for the work i did ages ago.  that is a long damn time to wait for my hard-earned cash.  especially when i have bills and stuff.  right now, i'm living on £50 for the entire month of march.  that means no extra activities (like coffees or dinners with friends or bus passes to anywhere).  that pretty much means only the most basic of grocery necessities, like milk and eggs.  the long-life milk, at that.  and the cheap, not-free-range eggs.  it also means no rent for my flatmate til much later.  at least k knows i'm good for it, and isn't dying for the money. 

but still.  i understand a delay for pay--i'm used to two weeks.  but this is too long.  too damn long, university. 

not that they'll pay any attention.  they don't care. 

beaurocratic bastards

i got bad news yesterday, and i can't figure out what to do about it.  my visa situation is all messed up right now.  and i'm not happy about it. 

i either have to have my thesis done, my viva done, my corrections done, and the university saying i'm done in order to apply for a post-study work visa (which is what i want) by the end of april (which is pretty damn well impossible)

or

i have to leave the country. 

i don't want to leave the country.  but while they say they want me, a person educated here, to stay here and work, they are making it f*cking impossible for me to do that.  and that's just the paperwork and timing.  the cost is out of this world. 

i'm a student for crying out loud.  i don't have £2500 to my name, in any country.  how the hell am i supposed to come up with that much, to leave in a bank account for three months, and then pay another £500 just for you to consider giving me a visa?  you've got to be joking. 

so, i'm going to spend the next month writing-- no eating, no sleeping, no nothing but thesis-- and see if i can submit in a month, get readers to agree to do my viva over spring break (good luck with that, self), get the corrections done in a week or two tops, get everything okay'd and printed and bound and turned in and paperworked.  if i can, then things might work out. 

if not, i'm totally f*cked and don't know what i'll do about it. 

defragging

~ don't sit on the end seat of an otherwise empty row if you don't want to have to move to let people in to sit down.  seriously.  you can't get annoyed about that-- it was your own damn choice.

~ why is it that people think they can rearrange the times set for meetings, classes, etc on a whim-- and expect people to be able to shuffle the rest of their schedules around at just a few minutes'  notice?  it's not that easy, people.  i understand last minute problems, but dang.  i can't just skip everything else in my day so that you can be an hour late.

~ i thought about doing the 'rants and raves' meme, but i've got nothing to rave about.  it's all rants.

~ the days are getting noticeable longer.  yay.  but it is still colder than hell here.  yes, for me, hell would be cold.  hot i could handle.

~ why is it that everyone insists on telling me, 'oh, of course you can. don't be silly' when i say i feel like i can't do something?  like something feels impossible?  i know that technically it can be done, and i know that logically, based on my history and my make-up and all that jazz that it CAN be done.  but what i feel doesn't match that.  you don't make me feel better by pooh-poohing my feelings about it.  just sympathise and let me get it out.  encourage me later, after you've taken my concerns seriously.  sheesh.

~ i really miss diet sundrop.  nothing like that exists where i am.

~ i really like kirkyards.  graveyards.  cemetaries.  does that make me creepy?

~ i haven't called or spoken to my parents since thanksgiving.  does that make me a bad child?

~ this is kind of fun.  getting out all my random thoughts feels good.

~ why do academics so often have to be such douchebags?  i mean, really.  yes, you're smart, and yes, you've put in your time, but dang.  that doesn't mean you are always the only one right, and it sure doesn't mean that i'm an idiot because i've not reached your level yet.  get over yourselves, academics!

~ i want to be a stay-at-home.  not anything particular after that;  just a stay-at-home.  too bad no one pays for that kind of life...

share the space!

seriously, people... do you have to take up the entire pavement?  can't the three of you scrunch together, or walk single file, so the rest of us don't have to go in the street to get around you, or slow down to your drunken high-heeled crawl? 

i just don't understand this.  it's bad enough when i get stuck behind people-- but i do understand that they can't see me.  of course, they should move a bit when they realise i'm trying to squeeze past, but still.  it's still rude, but it's not nearly as bad as when they are walking towards me.  four of them, spread out across the entire pavement.  and not one of them makes a move to clear some space for those of us going the other way.  c'mon!  really?  you jerks can't move just a tiny wee bit so i can get through?  apparently not.

today, though, it was the drunk man and woman (this was just after 1pm) who were staggering their way along.  sometimes they were making out as they walked (very crookedly).  sometimes they were holding hands and each weaving in a different direction.  sometimes they were pushing each other away, and covering who-knows-what distance and part of the pavement.  i actually did have to step into the street--into oncoming traffic-- to not just get around but get away.  they were a menace, and an annoying one, at that.

it's rude, people.  just some common courtesy here for your fellow walkers.  that shouldn't be too much to ask, even when you are blitzed out of your mind.  damn.

why i hate undergrads

i am a student.  still.  i have been a student for the vast majority of my life.  and a typically straight a student at that.  an occasional b here and there, and sometimes less (though i would generally say those were either classes i didn't care anything about, or there were other factors, like illness).  but i am a nerd.  a student through and through.  i know how to play the academia game, and play it well. 

right now, in addition to being a student, i work for students.  i take notes in classes for them.  not just anyone, mind you.  it's through the disability services, and it pays very well.  and i get to sit in random classes, which are often quite interesting and nothing i would ever have had the chance to learn about otherwise. 

i'm damn good at my job.  the students who get my notes are more than lucky-- they are blessed.  they have absolutely no reason for not doing well.  if they fail, it's their own fault. 

so tell me, mr second year undergrad, why is it exactly that you think you had to meet with me in person to tell me what you expect from me, your notetaker?  i was polite to your face and all, but inside i was scoffing.  worse than scoffing, actually.  i could not believe that you thought you should tell me how to do my job.  my job, that i am damn good at.  that i have never had one single complain in five years, and many, many thanks and compliments.  that i have been doing for myself for most of my life-- which is no short amount of time. 

seriously?  you, a second year undergrand, know better than me how to take notes in class?  really? 

*rolls eyes* 

i'm sorry you've had bad experiences with notetakers in the past.  you don't have to worry about that from me.  and now that you've met me in person to instruct me in what i need to do *rolls eyes again*, could you please stop emailing me every. freaking. day?  what the flip do you think that will accomplish?  besides, it's not like you have anything to complain about the notes i've sent you.  you just want to make sure i'm going to show up.  as if i've missed a class yet.  dude.  relax. 

and give me a little credit.  i'm a grown up.  i'm paid to do this.  and i'm a grade-a number one nerd.  damn.  back off, bucko.  

half my rent in shipping

yup.  that's how much i spent on sending parcels home to people:  more than half a month's rent.  that is just ridiculous.   i mean, i know that email and cheap phone plans have cut down on how much people use the postal service, but really?  we have to charge that much?  i live overseas from all my family and a lot of my friends.  i have to post internationally 85% (at least!) of my gifts.  i may never do that again, if they don't reciprocate and start sending me things.  they each only have to send one expensive parcel to me-- i have to send them to everyone.  it's just not fair.

so i could just send gift cards, or order online, or simply call.  but where's the fun in that?!  i love finding the perfect gift, and buying people things from the awesome places i get to travel.  but when i have to spend more on the shipping than the item itself is worth, how is that right?  it's not right.  but is there anything i can do about it?  no. 

because it's not just the specialty shipping folks who are outrageously priced-- it's the local post office.  surface mail takes two months to arrive for a slight decrease in price.  slight enough to make up for the difference in time?  not really.  i could just pack everything in my checked luggage when i go home... if i go home.  but since i have not been in more than a year, and have no idea when i might get back again, that doesn't even work.  gah. 

c'mon, shipping people.  give us poor expats a break!  this is flippin' highway robbery.  =(

the cupboards are still largely bare....

because no one is open at all over the holidays.  not only are they closed on christmas, early on new year's eve and all day long on new year, then we have a stinking local holiday on 4 january.  seriously?!  we didn't just have enough days off?  and all the tiny wee shops in the tiny wee village where i'm staying just now are all closed.  because their tiny wee owners can do that, i guess.  but how am i supposed to buy groceries, especially when the co-op is out or ridiculously over-priced?  i don't have a car.  bus travel here is expensive and it takes a good while to get into a big enough town to have shopping.  and then i have to carry it all back on my aching back without falling on my back side in the ice and snow.  no thank you! 

so i just ended up carting back about two tons worth of food from my pantry at home, when i was back for two days' worth of appointments.  it nearly killed me, hauling that case in the icy snow all the way to the train station... but at least i'm not starving now.  because i'm not sure when or if i'll be able to order in groceries, because i had to spend my life savings on posting parcels home to everyone for christmas.  which, again, is another story in itself...