an experiment

i don't have a quick temper.  it takes a lot for me to actually get angry, but once i do, i can hold a grudge with the best of them.  however, i am easily annoyed.  lots of things annoy me, all the time.  these things i get over quickly, usually... but it tends to annoy people around me when i complain about them.  so here i am.  using this place to rant about the things that annoy me... as well as the things that i am angry about.  still angry about, in some cases. 

i have an image to protect, hence the web address name.  i am a nice girl.  sweet, polite, considerate, helpful.  that is how others see me, and how i mostly see myself.  but i know that i have this dark side, this darkness inside, that i never let out.  okay, that i rarely let out.  but i need to be honest about who i am sometimes.  i need to let that dark side of me speak.  ta-dah! 

why is it easier to talk to strangers about some things?  why am i writing this anonymous blog for you, dear readers, instead of talking to my friends and family?  well, that's pretty easy.  you don't know me.  you don't have any preconceived ideas about who i am, you don't expect anything from me, you won't be shocked or offended or hurt by the things i might say.  okay, i guess you might... but then, i don't know you, so i don't really care how you react.  if you don't like what i say, you don't have to keep reading.  i guess it's the freedom of being able to say what i really think and feel, without having to worry about how it will be received or who will be judging me... because even if you are sitting there judging me right now, i don't know it.  it's really very freeing.  and maybe someone out there might even understand me a bit, or sympathise, or even agree. 

maybe by letting my dark side into the light, i might be encouraging someone else who feels like they have to stay hidden, keep many of the 'real' parts of themselves tucked away deep inside.  we all want to know, and be known... i guess i'm mostly hoping that this will help me better know myself, to integrate my good and not-so-good bits into a better, more whole self.  and if anyone else finds anything good from this along the way, then yay.  because i know i can't be the only one who feels like she is two different people-- the one she shows, and the one she feels she has to hide.